Maybe It's About

FUCKING TIME

YOU GET YOUR DAMN

PANTS!

Welcome!

For years, you’ve endured a pantless existence. [I says, what I says.]

Too short. Too stiff. Too normie.

But those dark times are over!

This mission — codenamed: YOUREGETTINGYOURFUCKINGPANTS — is designed for one man only:

Husband. Geek. LARPer. Low-key Vampire. High-Key Sc-Fi Pacifist Overlord.

You deserve pants that command respect, hold your wallet and your dignity.

Lore

THE DARK AGES
2014-2024: The Era of settling for what's available. Which is to say, practically nothing.

THE PROPHECY
“One day,” he whispered, “someone will make me pants that matter.”

THE RECKONING
2025: The Pact is forged. The Pant Portal opens.

The Man of The Hour

“SUBJECT FILE: HUSBAND UNIT”

STATS

Alignment: Neutral Good Goth [That last part is important].

Class: Chaos Controller.

Known Weaknesses: Always buys what he wants so getting anything for his Birthday and making it a surprise is an impossible mission. And lack of pants.

Known Strengths: Impeccable humor, superior taste [see Waifu], nice buns.

Last Seen Wearing: PETRA-issued office pants.

"All he wanted... was pants that understood him."

TESTIMONIALS

What others are saying

“These pants will make me a god among mortals.” [Probably]

Choose Your Style

PANT CLASS SELECTION

Pocket Possibilities

POCKETS OF POWER

Belt Loop & Waist Band Options

WAISTLINE DOMINANCE

Sexy Sexy

DETAILS

Sketch/WIP Gallery

COMING SOON!

Sketches, swatches, and sewing mishaps will appear here soon.

[ALLEGED] Frequently Asked Questions

How do I purchase pants?

You don't. They're not made yet. That's the point.

How long does it take to receive my item?

How long does it take you to decide what you want?

What are the customization options?

I have a computer. I have a Cricut.

UGHN

Computer/Cricut.

Do you offer any guidance on taking measurements for custom orders?

I do. It's called "YOUR WAIFU DOING IT FOR YOU".

"YOUR WAIFU DOING IT FOR YOU" includes:

Subtle not-so-subtle groin groping.
Butt crack swiping.
A healthy dose of prolonged eye contact.
Another dose of eye contact, but eye to eye, as close to the eyes as you can get to Bailey's without getting your eyes wet, kind of close.

👁👄👁 *Iloveyou*

What is your policy on refunds or exchanges?

I mean, I'm not even getting paid.

...I'm not getting paid...

How can I contact customer support?

When you're in bed, and you've encroached on the half that doesn't belong to you, as you normally do, and there's a frustrated sigh, because the entity that wishes to go to bed is pushed to the edge, with a foot sometimes dangling, you'll know you've reached support.

Can I request a completely custom design?

This is what this is. When did you think this wasn't the this that is the thing that is offered to you?

This site may or may not be used in the future for other unhinged spousal gifts. You’ve been warned.